We've Got No Fans Other Shite

Hello people of the internet! We at We’ve Got No Fans cannot bring our usual episode to you this week. We cannot apologise enough to all of our many many many fans…that might be one many too many… we don’t want you to forget about us! We still love you guys, you still love us too right?

We’re going to assume you said yes… so as a treat here is an extended literal textual version of the weeks headlines and main talking points…

Aaaaaand Cue old timey news music…

‘The Master Tactician’ Ronald Koeman brought his side to Anfield and saw his masterful tactic of trying to kick Liverpool off the field unsurprisingly fail…because Phil Coutinho is very very good.

Just how much of this was Coutinho being back to his very best and how much of it was him taking advantage of youngster Matthew Pennington and an Everton side which, led by the most talked about player of the weekend for some reason Ross Barkley, seemed unwilling or incapable of laying much of a glove on Liverpool? They may not a have laid a glove on them but they certainly laid their studs on the Reds, several times. Ronald Koeman of course saw nothing wrong with the physical style of play that the Toffees brought to the match, he did however find lots of fault with Martin O’Neill because he keeps getting James McCarthy injured. You can absolutely understand his frustration, how is he supposed to sell him in the summer if no one thinks he can stay fit?

In an amazingly Moysian moment, David Moyes jokes about slapping a female reporter…oh boy…at least his team are performing well on…oh boy…

This incident could fill up an entire episode.

In one of the most depressingly predictable matches of the season Manchester United drew 0-0 at home with…well at this rate it could be just about anyone, has anyone NOT gotten a draw from Old Trafford at this point?

Jose, Jose, Jose…stripped of the likes of Ibrahimovic, Herrera, Pogba, Mata…this was dreadful. All those players will make your team better but it cannot hide the absolutely alarming trend of not scoring goals. Yes, you may think that your forwards are inconsistent but at this rate they are actually being pretty consistent, just not consistently want you want them to be…which is good…This game was really really bad.

Who has money on Leicester to win the league next year? I say next year because we all accept that they’re going to win the Champions League this year. Lets just get used to that idea, Leicester are going to be European Champions.

Yes, there was a time children, when people didn’t think Leicester should sack Claudio Ranieri…and not just for the silly sentimental reasons…I know it hurts and the Leicester players are the absolute scum of the earth…but they ain’t gonna get relegated now are they?

It was a Hull of a comeback…West Ham, your boys took one Hull of a beating… There’s probably a Ranocchia pun that I should be using but it took a Hull of a lot out of me to come up with the Hull puns.

Chelsea, listen to me, its going to take more than losing at home to Crystal Palardyce to make me talk about you… no… no… you’re going to have to go and lose to Man City too before I reconsider.

Just a quick word about our friend Big Sam…we raise our pints of wine to 4 wins in your last 4 games. Slainte.

Things looked dark for Spurs when they lost Wanyama and Winks, but they Heung in there and prevented things from getting too Dier, got two goals from Eric and Son and went home with the win.

Harry Arter returned for Bournemouth after once again missing the International matches, that wasn’t all he missed, he slipped and missed a Penalty as Southampton and Bournemouth played out a 0-0 draw.

Speaking of 0-0 draws here come the experts!…no not Man Utd, the other ones, MiddlesbroughSwansea were their boring victims this week.

Pep…you’re lucky your Red neighbors and their manager with all his shithousery are the headline magnets that they are because…you guys are not having a good year…Arsene…don’t watch Arsenal TV this week…or ever i guess…

This was an odd game wasn’t it? It seemed for most of the first 20 minutes that City were going to heap another gloriously embarrassing on Arsene and we’d all feel incredibly uncomfortable watching him sit there watching his team take a hiding again knowing that he’s coming back again next season…but that faded, Arsenal got back into the match and then all of a sudden after getting the equalizer, City started up again and looked like they had any number of goals in them… it was a strange match between two teams that really needed a win…or maybe they don’t maybe they’re both already planning for the summer. There is definitely one obvious summer plan for Pep, you simply must lose Jesus Navas

Thank you for reading along, Stephen is going to try not to run you down with his new car and Donal is going to Iceland…not to avoid Stephen and his car…he just misses the winter.

Remember to do all the things that Stephen asks you to do at the beginning of every episode!

Until next time…